Finding Myself

You wished someone heard you thinking about loud

Have you ever felt that you’re trapped in your own mind, with all these destructive thoughts that keeps telling you that you won’t get any better?

You do the things that harm you even more and you got addicted to toxicity, you just sit there feeling overwhelmed with all these feelings and knowing that nobody will ever understand you, they will never be in your skin they can’t understand how you’re numb yet aching like hell.

It’s like a war going inside your mind while you’re getting along with it because you can’t escape it anymore. You’re a grown up now and you just can’t leave everything and stay in your bed because you are sad like you’ve been used to do before, you wake up forcing yourself to do the things you hate the most and fighting a battle that is not even yours.

Being passionate is a feeling you almost forgot, you sit there drowning in your anxious thoughts and panicking about every possible senario, you’re sick of overthinking every action but you became so helpless feeling like you’re always too much even if you did not spell a word, you don’t have the energy to cry anymore but it feels like your heart is being ripped apart or maybe getting shattered into hundred pieces, but why does everything scare you? Why do you still let these scars haunt you? Why are you putting yourself in endless torture with nothing in return? it’s like always trying so hard but never seeing a progress.

Blaming yourself became your favourite habit, you’ve been patient for so long waiting for things to get better but they never did and they never will.