6 Ways to Fail This Semester and Completely Destruct Your GPA

Dream of being unemployed and disowned by your own family? We’ve got you covered!



Being a student is one hell of a pressuring full-time job, and let’s face it, none of us really wants to do it. From parental guilt-tripping to social pressure to become a world-renowned surgeon at the mere age of 19; we’re fueled by the constant desire to be academically divine, unrealistically perfect, and transcendent of any and all expectations.

But when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough.

Without further ado, here are 6 guaranteed ways to blissfully fail this semester and pour your GPA down the drain, where it belongs.

1- Never Set an Alarm

Life lesson #1: Don’t force things; if it’s meant to be, it’ll be and that applies to waking up on time, too.

Simply put, setting an alarm is unhealthy ( Believe me, I’m a scientist) Forcing your body to wake up and function before it’s ready to, will undoubtedly lead to: Fatigue, bad moods, and spending too much money on caffeine, and we don’t want that, do we?

So get that extra hour of sleep, or two, or three for all I care. The more the merrier.

2- Don’t Track your Attendance

Go ahead, delete that note from your phone; you know what I’m talking about, that one with the x’s next to your courses, make sure you delete it from the recently deleted folder, as well.

Getting rid of such toxicity from your life will make it so much better.

Gone are the days of wondering how many lectures stand between you and a WU.

3- Overwhelm Yourself with Student Activities

Ever thought of joining MUN, SMS, MST, Campaigners, Warsha, Enactus, ISLC, Artkhana or Insider? Well, what are you waiting for? Join. Them . ALL. All of them. No exceptions.

What better way to distract yourself from the deepest circle of hell a.k.a academia than by making sure your brain doesn’t even have the time nor the capability to comprehend the fact that you’re even enrolled in your faculty?

Fill your schedule with so many outings, meetings, and activities, till you reach to a point where you even have no time to sleep, which brings us to our next point:

4- Sleep in Lectures (Assuming that you Even Go)

Contrary to popular belief, sleeping in lectures could be somewhat of an enjoyable experience. You see, so many factors aid in making dozing off in lectures the joy that it is. From the metronome-like monotonous tone of your professor, to the contagious disinterest of your fellow colleagues, it’s like the whole system was designed to induce REM sleep, so make use of that.

5- Live in Denial

You’re totally not failing. Nope. Not even close. Let those negative thoughts go. Everything is going to be fine, you’ll totally get A’s! Totally!

6- Consistency is Key

The road to success (or in this case, failure) is a long, bumpy, and tiring road. And in order for you to get there, you have to be consistent, dedicated, and confident.

Don’t let your brain trick you into setting an alarm, attending a lecture, or ditching a time-consuming useless activity. Remember, we have one goal, and that is to fail.

 

 

My dear reader, if you’re wasting time reading this right now, I’m glad to tell you that you’re already on the right track.