How easy is it for you to trust other people? Do you trust people easily? Or are you often suspicious of others’ motives? Learning to trust is really about having the courage to heal a broken heart, you can face your trust issues with optimism when you extend trust to those who deserve it. Undoubtedly, some of people do have some internal chatters, battles, and insecurities to face that are not outwardly visible to others and can result in losing sight of where they are going. No matter how many trustworthy persons you met, there’s always that voice whispering it’s all evanescent. It obviously comes out from life experiences and social interaction with people you run across throughout your life.
Have you ever felt like having lots and lots to say but your trust issues kept pulling you back?! Lack of trust is actually a serious mental disorder that debilitates and ruins people’s lives and relationships. It may comes out from a pretty traumatic childhood that results in a messed up adult or great disappointment that taught you to keep your walls up high. Either way, it always leaves a massive impact on those who encounter it. It usually ends up with you facing difficulties in sharing personal stuffs because you have a feeling that people might judge you or set you in a totally wrong image.
In fact, there’s a bundle of signs that apparently demonstrate that you are struggling with trust issues. Here are some of them on the spot.
Stressing out yourself wondering how long people might stay with you and when they are going to leave which is slowly eating the soul alive and puts you in a constant conflict each time it didn’t work with a new friend or a new company. It probably appears out of the torture you felt when you have been taken advantage of so much then left alone and ever since it downgrades your ability to believe again that somebody might stick to you without any kind of abusive exploitation.
2)Lack of Intimacy with Others
Didn’t you lay in bed before staring into the ceiling and thinking about the severe lack of emotional intimacy you carry on your life? Since every time you try to get along with others you feel that you lack your agency and they do have expectations of your own character you cannot totally meet. You want to dazzle them with your thoughts and opinions that you’re not even holding. It turns to be an exhausting time when they are around as you are usually trying to fake your emotions and your whole life actually to gain their love and attention because you can’t trust them enough to accept you with your flaws and imperfections.
3)Never Meeting the Expectations
It happens that you set high expectations and you are definitely not prepared for any kind of disappointment, then comes the poisonous shock which is both physically and mentally damaging.
4)Dealing with Lots of Cold People
Those whose emotional state is volatile, unsteady and used to not show off their actual feelings, sometimes they treat you well other times they treat you like an outcast. You can’t figure out whether they care about this friendship/relationship or you are just something extra to their lives who doesn’t make any sense and can be replaced anytime. You feel that it’s always safer to stay inside your comfort zone borders and the two or three humans you know as they are not going to surprise you that much.
5)Dealing with Those Who Cross the Boundaries
People who are constantly attacking your personal space, they don’t give you a chance to breath or think they are just pressuring you unnecessarily which leads to an unhealthy relationship
6)Keeping the Anger and Frustration to Yourself
Bottling up the wrath and outrage that you might tend to explode because basically there’s no one you can trust enough to tell them your inside thoughts and feelings. It’s obviously a harsh time because if you can’t vent the pain then you’re going to lose your mind immediately. Moreover, even when something good happens, you still don’t have anybody to share the happiness and delectation with, and therefore it turns to be a hurtful thing rather than being blissful. At this phase, the endless echoing loneliness is unfortunately the one thing that weighs the most.
7)Questioning Everything Others Do
Wondering every now and then what might be behind their cranky actions, for example if they are telling you somebody else’s business they are probably telling others yours. You’re definitely don’t like this to happen so you keep distancing yourself and hence the relationship keeps deteriorating until it no longer exists.
Concerning where trust issues stem from they are often associated with experiences and interactions in early phases of life , mainly childhood . That person who did not receive adequate nurturing, affection, or was abused, and mistreated as a child will probably find difficulty in establishing trust as an adult. Moreover , if someone was mocked or teased by his realtives during the teenage years, this will certainly influence his later relationships. Being betrayed or underestimated by someone which end by having low self esteem, this also plays a significant role in a person’s capacity to trust , and will be less likely to put their trust in those around them . On the other hand for an adult , traumatic life events such as an accident, illness, or loss of a beloved one may lead to trust issues feeling unsafe and insecure.
Going through the consequences of having trust issues , we’ll find that such person suffers from severe impacts that definitely ruin his entire life . Meanwhile when mistrust seems to play a dominant role in a person’s life, such person will always have the fear to get into a friendship or even a normal relationship with his family.In such case mistrust will end by him being separted from others , for example, when you don’t trust, you don’t connect with others and missing out chances to get to know people, to network, form friendships, and intimate relationships can only be called self-deprivation. Therefore , a person’s life can be adversely affected when feelings of mistrust are pervasive, resulting in anxiety, anger, lack of self-confidence, loneliness, and even social anxiety .
Also, having mistrust can disturb the most loving and intimate relationship.That person with trust issues wants to have friends, mates, and family members that he trust, but unfortunately his trust issues keep him away from them , for the fear of being mistrusted or betrayed .His own trust antenna is impaired, he doesn’t know when or who to trust, so he keeps himself from others .And those with posttraumatic stress, which results from a person’s exposure to severe danger or perceived danger,this will lead a previously healthy person to experience tremendous difficulty with trust. People may experience and re-experience the trauma in their minds, along with the associated anxiety, and often go to great lengths to create a feeling of safety, sometimes isolating themselves from others and becoming overly independent.
In order to overcome trust issues , first of all identify the source, in order to overcome your trust issues, you need to figure out why they are occurring , because if you neglected them these experiences can contribute to you having trust issues later in life. Furthermore , one can contact a therapist , these professionals have years of education and training in helping people change their behaviors and attitudes, in favor of helping him separate his past experiences from his present ones and teach them how to rebuild trust in the future relationships . It is better to share your story in a support group , so hearing the stories of others. , this can be done by talking to your therapist about referring you to a local support group relating to trust in relationships.Also , if you’re about to end your relation with someone because of your trust issues write down your concerns to redirect your negative thinking as journaling can help you reduce tension and stress associated with your trust issues, and serve as a problem-solving tool as you work with a therapist, so you can take a breath before reacting and end by losing someone .
Moreover , learn to open your heart and trust people who deserve your trust , communicate more and be able to open to people and get experienced rather than just staying away for the fear of fighting . Talk openly with your friends, this can help you work through trust issues , as being able to clearly communicate without feeling of hiding something can increase communication and build trust .Build your self esteem , this can help you strengthen your relationship with others. Identity the current problems around trust. Think and write down why do you suffer form thrust issues with people around , think about the specific problems you experience with trust, pinpoint the behaviors or situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Finally , overcoming trust issues is all about giving people a fair chance and accepting the fact that everybody makes a small mistake every now and then.
To sum it up, it’s a crystal clear that trust issues are experienced by all people during their lives , but those who knows how to better control and guide these situations to learn from their mistakes and become more strong to face what’s tougher and not to make them get the chance to ruin their lives . Do make sure to be with someone you know very well so that letting go to give your all won’t be as hard. Know yourself and make sure your heart has healed from past hurt so it can give maximum output.
“GoodTherapy.org.” How to Get Over Them in Relationships, Marriage, and Life, www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/trust-issues.
Heston, LICSW Klare, and wikiHow. “How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship.”WikiHow, WikiHow, 19 Dec. 2017, www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Trust-Issues-in-a-Relationship
“How to Fix Your Trust Issues.” Wikihow , www.wikihow.com/Fix-Your-Trust-Issues.
Lamberg, Erica. “Stop Paranoia from Destroying Your Relationship.” Reader’s Digest, Reader’s Digest, 19 Mar. 2017, www.rd.com/advice/relationships/paranoid-in-relationships/