Masters Degree In Pain

To every eye my eyes came across and to the ones mine did not meet yet.



ABSTRACT

       This is a comprehensive study of the psychology of emotions that result as a consequence of pain, by a graduate student at the university of Psyche Institute who are in the very final stages of completing her doctoral degrees. A study has been carried out by testing on more than a hundred of individuals diverse in age, gender and in their…

She stopped rereading for a minute, It was the millionth time for opening this file to be revised, added to, edited and the laptop became familiar with it like a father become familiar with the face of his child.

Very thin fingers belonging to a see-through skin of a delicate hand moved the cursor to the next page, the other hand touched a bald head in an attempt to control those anxious thoughts that were tangled with compassion and fear, not the kind of fear that represent a virtual monster that prevents us from achievements. It was fear belonging to someone who was finally at peace with the world and oneself, who only wanted to succeed in changing this world, A bald thoughtful head belonged to someone full of goodness and multiplying cells.

It was Tessa, Tessa Michel. A 25 years old psychology graduate student who was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. This diagnosis and the painful journey that followed made Tessa bitter, angry and determined to prove to the world that pain is unequal, that hers was great and incomparable to others.

Six months ago, Tessa’s request for her doctoral degree was accepted and she started her research, she could not forget the first person she talked to.

His words did not leave her mind ever since. It was like a video that kept rewinding the moment it comes to an end.

‘I felt that someone punched me in the stomach taking my breath after withdrawing his hand,  that all the molecules and cells I was made of had stopped breathing as well. They were standing very still like grieving soldiers stand still for five minutes of mourning’ he said with a stoned face, a faraway look in his eyes, very knowing eyes that could not feel anymore but also could not forget something that is still happening.

One would think that he was talking about savage people who tortured him, not about a very normal day when some children bullied this lonely smelly man. He should thank god for a standing still cells, what if his cells kept multiplying and increasing in number, what would be his reaction when their rapid movement brought insanity and killing them brought terrible pain. Tessa thought while looking with disgust to that mushy old man that’s how she saw him, a mushy man or not him particularly rather how she saw them all.

That was what happened with Tessa’s first interview, she left him feeling disgusted, confident and more determined to prove that emotional psychology of pain is not equal and that there is greater pain than most of the ones people go through.

Now after six months of research, six months of experiencing all kinds of reasons that cause pain, Tessa bitterness was an ex-neighbor that was replaced by compassion toward anyone and herself.

Now the student’s note and Acknowledgement were the only things that were left blank in her doctoral final report, she wanted to fill it with real words, not scientific ones. She wanted to reach as many people as she can, for them to know what she came to know, and that this knowledge would leave all of them in a world devoid of the black companions of pain; pity, selfishness, and anger.

She started to type

STUDENT’S NOTE

The biology of pain is never really straightforward even when it appears to be, while the psychology of pain is the most certain thing you could come upon.

Pain is pain. It is the black colour, the love of a baby and the uncolored world to the blind, always certain and true.

It can start from stubbing your small toe in the edge of the bed, which will bring you to tears and breathlessness for seconds, your face will turn red or blue, it will be the same if you lost a dear one, it will feel as if someone had cut a part of your whole for the seconds will turn into hours of breathlessness.

The first old lonely man I have come to interview for my research was numbed after being hit by bullying words that touched his lonely being and life. Martha also felt the same as her only baby girl was lost while playing with friends, it has been a while for Martha’s face unsmiling, stoned and dead.

John the fourteen-year-old boy was lost, trying to shape his personality, he could not know who he is and what he wants in life.   the old Alzheimer’s lady was exactly like him, she kept crying on board while travelling alone for twelve hours, she was lost, forgotten and forgetting.

I cannot mention all of those that passed my research, I can only mention that now I know that their pain is equal. It is true and demanding.

Their pain does not need anyone’s pity or anyone’s belittling its reasons to one’s soul.

Their pain only needs you to look upon it with a kind heart full of compassion and a little understanding.

Their pain only needs you to look beyond their age, looks, physical appearance and anything that can be touched and seen by the eyes.

This note was written by me Tessa Michel, a suffering cancer patient who came to realise that her pain is not the greatest. And that it is okay to hold it on your sleeve all the time, like the unneeded jacket we carry on a cold summer night.

Just carry it, do not let it touch you or others, for we are untouchable by our mortality, as the end of this journey will come to a sudden unpredictable halt one day.

Tessa’s trembling fingers stopped typing, her tears were flowing while all the people she has come to meet came into her mind, then it turned into a laughing fit as she remembered her best friend’s insistence for her to  mention the pain women go through while trying to remove all body and facial hair and also that of..

No, Tessa won’t mention that, she continued

Acknowledgment

To every eye my eyes came across and to the ones mine did not meet yet.

May your pain be looked upon and beyond.