“I’ve always felt like an outsider.”
She said it with a smile that hid a tear on our way to college. She was a good driver with a great taste of music. “I’ve always felt like the odd one out, like I didn’t belong here, no matter where I go, it’s always not my place.”
She was a really pretty girl, blue eyed, chubby red cheeks that blossomed the way flowers did in April, and sharp features. A combination that made you think she’s a foreigner.
“I’ve always been a friendly person. I’ve always loved meeting new people and making new friends, but I’ve always been a little bit strange for everyone. I’m not that smart, not that beautiful, not that talented in anything whatsoever, and I felt like I was kind of boring, normal but in an abnormal way. A way that made me look around and notice how different I was from everybody else.”
She didn’t look that different to me, she was the nice girl you’d always see around, hanging out with different people each time, but her words made me see her differently.
“I’ve been searching for what feels like a very long time for someone who looks like me, a family member, a best friend, a boyfriend, anything, but I failed.”
How could someone live with such a feeling? Feeling homesick in your own home, with your own friends.
“I don’t know why but I find myself getting away from most people. Everyone around me nowadays seem to be confusing me; blurring the lines -the clear red lines- between right and wrong, making me question my own beliefs and morals.”
I understood what she was talking about, the society we live in makes it extremely hard to know what’s wrong and what’s unacceptable.
“I keep hoping that someday I’m going to meet someone -or something for that matter- that’s going to make me feel like home. But until then, I stay in my solitude, wandering in my own mind, exploring the corners of my weird personality, and knowing deep down in my core that I’m different.”
I liked her attitude about it, but I could see that she didn’t like the fact that she’s different. I still made sure she knew that I did. I loved her personality, how talking to her felt like reading a book, a book that united all different cultures, opinions and points of view in one place. She was a unique combination of elegance, beauty, kindness and freedom.
Edited by: Abdelrahman Zaky