These are the pages of my diary I choose to share with those who care enough to listen. Maybe it reaches someone. Maybe it touches the strings in someone’s heart. This is my message to the world that I feel I need to tell. Raw, honest and genuine account. Depression is not an overnight process. It is a slow gradual journey downwards into the depths of the shadowy unknown. It is a tragic trek through one’s darkest of thoughts and hopeless battle in search of a new dawn.
I am writing this to you because I cannot keep the distressing thoughts circulating in my head anymore. I do not know what is happening to me honestly, yet I know that something is wrong. Absolutely wrong!
Lately, I feel like my thoughts have taken a rather unpleasant turn in direction. There’s a feeling of emptiness inside of me that is growing larger day by day, and I feel that it will overcome my soul someday . I do not know if I am being overdramatic, or maybe a little bit irrational, but I swear that is how I really feel.
I have a heightened sense of fear; an intense feeling of anxiety from time to time. I am sorry I cannot fully explain my feelings in details; it is just because the feelings are so foreign to me.
The other day I was in college sitting with my best friends on our usual bench talking about really exciting things, yet I felt distant. A strange kind of distant. It was as if I wasn’t there. It was as if barriers were built around me in every direction, dampening the voices of my dearest buddies, and detaching me from my surroundings. I came back home feeling a sickening sense of loneliness that I could not focus on anything for the rest of the day, for my mind was already occupied with its own thoughts.
I hope these feelings won’t evolve.
I really wish my next writing to you will be a positive one.
Until next time,
Editded by: Abdelrahman Zaky